


we never talked about it

by orphan_account



Series: letters [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 19:39:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7905079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	we never talked about it

T,

I wasn't your first friend.

But I'm sure I was the worst.

There's a lot I should've said. 

I didn't.

This is my chance to do that.

\-----

The day I met you was not a good one.

A day at school was never good for me.

Or you.

I knew that you were alone, just like I was.

So I said hello.

That was were the story started.

\-----

I never asked you about things at home.

I knew, even at such a young age, that things were not okay.

But I never asked and you never told.

I still saw the way you wore jackets even in summer.

How you tried to make yourself as small as possible.

I could see the fear in your eyes when someone got too close and the way you cringed at loud noises.

I did those things right along with you.

I understood what you went through because it happened to me too.

I think that maybe you knew that.

I'm just sorry that you had to go through that alone.

I'm sorry that you went through that at all.

But you did.

And so did I.

\-----

I lied to you.

I lied to everybody back then.

But nobody managed to make me feel as guilty about it as you.

I know you could tell when I was lying.

I did it anyway.

You never really tried to stop me.

What I didn't know was that you lied to me just as much as I lied to you.

It's okay.

Turnabout's fair play, after all.

\-----

I asked you to kiss me.

You didn't.

You told me about your girlfriend.

I said that I was happy for you.

I wasn't.

You knew that.

\-----

I asked if your girlfriend was hurting you.

You said no.

That's when I knew that you were lying to me.

You never looked more guilty than when you said that one word.

I just looked at you.

You pulled down your sleeve.

We both knew that you were not okay.

\-----

She finally broke you.

I saw the fight that did you in.

She said she would kill herself.

I wished she would.

You did too.

We caught each other staring.

\-----

You left her.

I asked if you were okay now.

You said yes.

You were finally smiling again.

I asked if you were happy.

You said you were getting there.

I told you I had to go.

I didn't tell you that I stilled wanted that kiss.

You knew.

You called my name.

I turned back.

You hugged me.

You said it was the best you could do.

I said it was enough.

It was.

But I still wanted more.

You couldn't give me that.

I said I didn't want to just be friends.

You asked if we could try.

I said yes.

I never wanted anything less than to just be friends with you.

But I still tried.

Because that's what you wanted.

\-----

Summer came around and we couldn't see each other.

For some reason all I could feel was relief.

I said I was busy every time you wanted to talk to me.

I wasn't.

Eventually you stopped trying.

\-----

We slowly drifted apart.

It was inevitable.

You still tried to hold on.

But I had already let go.

\-----

Maybe we should've cut our losses long ago.

Maybe we should've done things differently.

Maybe we should've never spoke in the first place.

Or maybe this was just the way it was supposed to be.

Despite the reason, it still hurt enough to make me think it over.

I knew that I had to go my own way.

So I did.

You didn't follow me.

\-----

I knew a lot of things about you.

You knew a lot of things about me.

But we never talked about it.

And that's just fine.

I don't talk much anyway.

 

Keep running,

J


End file.
